I bet I can guess what you are all thinking...why in the world is there a pedestal as this header? Well, whether or not you pay any attention to the pictures I use for my blogs you may or may not have realized that each picture I have chosen corresponds with the topic. And while this blog is no different I felt the need to let you in on my secret because tonight as I write this a picture of an empty pedestal is the most perfect illustration I could have ever imagined.
When you think of perfection what does that look like? Do you envision a perfect day at the beach with calm waves and the beauty of God's creation? Do you think of the cookie-cutter family that you desire to have more than anything? What about a job that you love going to every day that pays a decent amount? Or maybe, just maybe you think of someone. There might be a person that you hold in such high regard that in your eyes they are perfect (or as perfect as we can get as imperfect humans). Well, the funny thing is lately I have been that person for some people, and honestly thats all sorts of crazy in my brain. The prideful part of my heart gets REALLY excited to hear that the people around me think I can obtain any level of perfection. But then deep in the corners of my heart connected to the most sacred parts of who I am I hear the Holy Spirit whisper, "You are still broken, and perfection is not an option for you." And I could not be more thankful for that reminder.
Living a life of perfection is not something I ever strive for, at all. Jesus Christ was perfect on the Cross and that is the only perfection I could ever need. Because when I see this pedestal I see the place where people have raised me up to something awesome and incredibly unrealistic, because on top of this pedestal there is nothing. This is because I cannot fulfill their need for perfection. I won't ever be able to live up to what they want from me because I was made perfectly imperfect by the most Perfect that ever has and will be. That space created by others for me I can never fill, heck I probably won't ever even be able to reach it and that is fine by me. Because when I look at this empty space that needs to be filled I get to rest in the fact that the God of everything gets to sit up there and I don't have to worry about a single thing.
When we hold people to a standard of perfection we instantly set them up to fail. And I promise you I fail a lot! Being the kind of person that strives for perfectionism in her life instinctively, my own expectations of myself are hard enough to fulfill, let alone those of others. Running the race of perfection was the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do, and I never want to try and do it again. Listening to the Lord teach me about how amazing His grace is has been more comforting than I ever imagined. Learning to let go of my mistakes and failures are a part of life, and part of my race towards Him. When I hold myself and others to a standard of perfection I put us up on this pedestal and with this place I provide myself with a heaping pile of disappointment and defeat.
I can't tell you how many times I have sat and cried with numerous women in my life about my inability to fit into this perfect box I created for myself. But out of these trials came someone who has to make a constant effort to put aside her perfect aspirations in order to humble herself before the Perfect God. And as I continue to run this race toward Him I am reminded of a letter my mom wrote me not all the long ago. At the end of the letter she write, "Always remember to strive for excellence, and not perfection." So tonight and on the nights like this to come, I find comfort in my mother's words, knowing that I don't have to be perfect, and how awesome is that.
With a humble heart and lots of love,
Kaitlyn
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