Relationships are complicated, this is because people are complicated. Dating is something I really stayed away from in high school. Now, I did go on dates but I never dated a boy, or you could say I never had a boyfriend. This is not another cliche post about how you shouldn't date in high school, or even that you should, I am simply going to tell you what God has placed on my heart and what He has taught me vicariously through others.
That being said, I am not in opposition of or a proponent of dating in high school (and or the pre post-secondary education time frame). My view of a "dating" relationship is that the goal of said relationship is to simply glorify God. Period, point blank. As I watch those around me that have chosen to date, very few of their relationships have ever done this. There are some of my friends that have done a very good job at keeping Christ in the middle but it takes a lot of spiritual discipline and emotional maturity. My biggest opposition to teenagers dating is if you are not emotionally capable of caring for another human being in the way that Christ loves the Church, than you don't need to date. I cannot speak for those who don't have Jesus in their hearts, but for those of us that know the slightest glimpse of God's awesomeness and know the power of Holy Spirit driven love need to understand that dating is not for us if we can't commit to the love God has called us to. Dating and marriage are things that God gave as a gift to mankind that is designed to continue to give Him glory. I have spent too many night on the phone with my friends that are crying on the other end because of something that happened in their relationships, that from the start, were built on something broken. I know that sometimes even Godly relationships come to an end, I am not saying that breakups won't happen, but what I am saying is that a lot of girls (and guys) can be spared heartache by simply changing the way they view their relationships with significant others. We have become so fascinated by the idea of "true love" and "happily ever after" that we forget that God is the point of it all. I believe with my whole heart that God has a special man picked out just for me, and I can't wait to meet him! I have faith that God will bring me a man with everything that I need in a truly God honoring relationship, but this man won't ever be my "true love" because that is a space in my heart only the Creator of the universe could possibly fill. So often I am focused on my loneliness and my desire for a boy that I lose sight of what I am running toward: a life that always pursues Jesus Christ. I've heard it said many ways and many times over the years that when we run toward God with all we can, if you see someone running beside you introduce yourself.
The other thing that as a teenager myself I have noticed when people my age get into dating (or don't), is how their relationship with the Lord changes. Contentment, this plays a huge part in relationships. I have learned a thing or two in my short life span, one of these being when young people like and or enjoy something (or someone), they tend to put their identity and value into that certain thing. A great example of this is relationships with a boyfriend/girlfriend. As someone who has never had a real dating relationship, I can speak firsthand that this is a hard thing to deal with without adding a boy to the mix. If you haven't noticed, I struggle with placing my identity in a lot of things (example a) and adding another, broken human to the mix would have been even more difficult. But over the years I have seen so many of my friends search for their value from within the boys they run around with. And time and time again I see my girlfriends put their hearts into a person instead of God, and nothing good ever comes of it. As someone who has been single her entire life, I have had to learn the importance of being content. This means being content in many aspects of my life, including: knowing who I am as a creation of God, believing that my relationship with Jesus is enough, and the understanding that God's plan is something that I won't ever fully grasp but need to completely trust. Learning to be content means that I have to hold onto the promise of God's faithfulness to me and to rest in His perfect timing. When it comes to the dating game, that is something a lot of people don't want to wait on and more often than not teenagers, just like me, fall into the trap of self-centered, desire driven relationships.
As someone who desires to love everyone I leave this at your feet in hopes of you seeing dating with a different, Christ-centered viewpoint. I also hope that you take all that I have said here with a grain of salt. I am not the end-all-be-all of relationship advice, but I come from a place of a small amount of life experience and a lot of Christ-like love. I pray that you ask the Lord to guide your heart when it comes to the dating relationships currently in your life and those that are yet to come.
Lots of love,
Kaitlyn
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