Trading My Plans for the Lord’s and Why It’s the Best and Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done

Giving up control has never been one of my favorite things, but is it anyone’s? On this journey to become more like Christ I am learning what it means to leave my desires at the Lord’s feet. And while this is by far one of my most difficult daily trials, it gives me an immense peace. Giving the Lord control of my life leaves so much room for everyday joys that I would have so easily missed while always looking forward to tomorrow.

In this stage of life everyone is constantly asking, “What’s next?” It starts senior year with the, “Where are you going to school?” and “What are you majoring in?” Then it evolves into, “What do you want to do?” And after that it turns into “What’s your ideal age to get married?” or maybe, “How many kids do you want to have?” I’m sitting here, barely 24 hours out of my first full semester of college and thinking, “Why do I have to know the answer?”

One thing I have gained from leaving these questions unanswered is an incredible freedom. Freedom to focus on the present and learning to be content. Freedom to let go of the worry. Freedom to ignore the, “Well everyone else is…” Freedom that only comes from trusting that God’s plan is way more awesome than mine could ever be. I know this, I believe in God’s faithfulness because He showers me with it daily. My God is so gracious with my wondering and ambitious heart that He did flip my plan upside down. Because He loves me that much He decided that He wanted to show me that His plan is so much sweeter than anything I could ever think of.

Leaving my plan at the feet of the Cross means that I get to fall in love with teaching more and more every time I think about my future classroom. Setting aside my ambition for Spirit lead humility means that I get to focus on loving my friends deeply and intimately instead of frantically crossing things off my to-do list. Trusting in God’s plan for my life is SO HARD. It is a battle I have to fight with myself every morning. But slowly I am starting to win the battle for my heart to start to look like His. And while I do deeply desire to leave my plans at the Lord’s feet there are some days that I lose this fight. Sometimes I do get caught up in my busyness. I do get caught up in the “What’s next?” But thank goodness that’s my God’s grace is unending and never failing because man oh man would I be in trouble.

The other hugely important lesson I am learning in setting my plans aside is something I never really wanted to admit to myself. Learning to leave my plans at the Cross is one thing, trusting in the plan that is thrown my way is another. But, understanding that sometimes while the Lord’s plan is always perfect it is not always painless. Understanding that God’s plan for me is amazing and perfect and completely better than my own is getting easier. But learning to deal with the heartbreak and hardships that come with battling my sinful nature is something that I still have yet to learn to grasp. One of my favorite bloggers, Stephanie Mae Wilson, wrote about this and it touched my heart so deeply. In her blog Stephanie talks about how even though God has said “Go” it doesn’t make the unrest and uncertainty go away. But when we trust in God’s plan we know that through this unrest and uncertainty the not-so-easy will be so worth it.

Tonight I ask that you pray for me as I learn all of these things, as I learn to continuously leave my perfectly planned out life at God’s feet and place my trust solely in His faithfulness to me. And in return I will pray the same for you. Wow, how great is our God that He loves us enough to trade our plans for His.

With lots of joy and a peaceful heart,
Kaitlyn

Not Getting Caught Up in Letting People Catch Me

A lot of things happened last week. So I think it's fair to say that my Dead Week was anything other than dead. But, throughout the craziness, the stress, and the overwhelmingness of college I am met with God's grace and faithfulness. I was met by blessings I could have never seen coming, and this week these blessings came in the form of some really great friends.

For quite a while I struggled with what it meant to have true friends. What it looked like to have "my people." And what it meant to trust that someone will be there for me every step of the way. I didn't really think that was even a real possibility for me, for so many different reasons. But my mom ALWAYS said, "you'll meet your best friends in college," wow, was she so right! Learning to let people in has been and still is incredibly difficult for me. But learning to break down the barriers around my heart is one of the toughest but most rewarding battles I fight against myself every day.

This last week was nothing short of a whirl wind. With a packed schedule and crazy occurrences I fell into the trap of busy and stress and the feelings of defeat. While I have developed the skill of managing my stress very well I am still learning to leave my fears and failures at the foot of the cross. And every once in while I get caught up in myself and tend to spiral out of control. Only this time something was different, this time when I fell into the trap I wasn't alone. And this time I had people there to catch me, people who picked me up right as I fell face first into the ground and I even had people to sit with me before I hopped right back up to continue on my to-do list journey. These people I am incredibly thankful for.

Learning to love myself has been no walk in the park, and learning to let others love me has been like climbing a mountain without any climbing equipment. But with the Lord as my guide I am learning what it means to trust the people He surrounds me with. I am starting the break down Fort Knox, and I am understanding why we are not meant to live this life alone. This afternoon I had lunch surrounded by some of my favorite people in the whole world, and for that I am so thankful. But even more so than the meal we shared, I am blessed to know that these people won't let me fall. To know that the people I love so much, WILL be there for me every step of the way. And learning to be okay with them catching me when I stumble on this journey through life is such a wonderful testament to God's perfect timing and unwavering faithfulness. So as I finish out my first semester of college this week I am rejoicing in the blessings of real and true friendship and what it looks like to trust people to catch me when I fall.


With lots of love and a humble heart,
Kaitlyn

The Truth About My Perfection

I bet I can guess what you are all thinking...why in the world is there a pedestal as this header? Well, whether or not you pay any attention to the pictures I use for my blogs you may or may not have realized that each picture I have chosen corresponds with the topic. And while this blog is no different I felt the need to let you in on my secret because tonight as I write this a picture of an empty pedestal is the most perfect illustration I could have ever imagined.

When you think of perfection what does that look like? Do you envision a perfect day at the beach with calm waves and the beauty of God's creation? Do you think of the cookie-cutter family that you desire to have more than anything? What about a job that you love going to every day that pays a decent amount? Or maybe, just maybe you think of someone. There might be a person that you hold in such high regard that in your eyes they are perfect (or as perfect as we can get as imperfect humans). Well, the funny thing is lately I have been that person for some people, and honestly thats all sorts of crazy in my brain. The prideful part of my heart gets REALLY excited to hear that the people around me think I can obtain any level of perfection. But then deep in the corners of my heart connected to the most sacred parts of who I am I hear the Holy Spirit whisper, "You are still broken, and perfection is not an option for you." And I could not be more thankful for that reminder. 

Living a life of perfection is not something I ever strive for, at all. Jesus Christ was perfect on the Cross and that is the only perfection I could ever need. Because when I see this pedestal I see the place where people have raised me up to something awesome and incredibly unrealistic, because on top of this pedestal there is nothing. This is because I cannot fulfill their need for perfection. I won't ever be able to live up to what they want from me because I was made perfectly imperfect by the most Perfect that ever has and will be. That space created by others for me I can never fill, heck I probably won't ever even be able to reach it and that is fine by me. Because when I look at this empty space that needs to be filled I get to rest in the fact that the God of everything gets to sit up there and I don't have to worry about a single thing. 

When we hold people to a standard of perfection we instantly set them up to fail. And I promise you I fail a lot! Being the kind of person that strives for perfectionism in her life instinctively, my own expectations of myself are hard enough to fulfill, let alone those of others. Running the race of perfection was the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do, and I never want to try and do it again. Listening to the Lord teach me about how amazing His grace is has been more comforting than I ever imagined. Learning to let go of my mistakes and failures are a part of life, and part of my race towards Him. When I hold myself and others to a standard of perfection I put us up on this pedestal and with this place I provide myself with a heaping pile of disappointment and defeat. 

I can't tell you how many times I have sat and cried with numerous women in my life about my inability to fit into this perfect box I created for myself. But out of these trials came someone who has to make a constant effort to put aside her perfect aspirations in order to humble herself before the Perfect God. And as I continue to run this race toward Him I am reminded of a letter my mom wrote me not all the long ago. At the end of the letter she write, "Always remember to strive for excellence, and not perfection." So tonight and on the nights like this to come, I find comfort in my mother's words, knowing that I don't have to be perfect, and how awesome is that.

With a humble heart and lots of love,

Kaitlyn

What I Wish You Could See

Beauty is such a hard thing for women to grasp. We poke and prod at each and every one of our imperfections, we tear ourselves apart until there is nothing left in the mirror for us to look at and feel good about. We so easily fall into the trap of satan's lie that tells us we are anything less than perfect. The God of everything made you in His image. He tells us time and time again that we are His most beloved creation. We are known by God, what an awesome gift. I know this gift and I rejoice in it often, but there are many whom I love very much that cannot yet see their beauty, and oh how my heart breaks for them.

I often say one of my greatest accomplishment in my short lifetime is my ability to look in the mirror and see beauty. Getting there took a lot of crying on floors and falling into satan's lies. But now that I know my beauty comes from nothing I could have ever done, I want others to know the same. So here I go:

My dear sweet friend, you are beautiful, and there is not a single thing in this world that could ever change that. Your heart is one of true beauty that brings me such joy and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. When you tear yourself down it breaks your heart, but it also breaks mine because you cannot see how precious and so loved you are by those around you. I want you to know that your beauty does not come from the rise and fall of a number on a scale. It will never come from any amount of makeup you cover your face with or the clothes that you wear. Your most beautiful trait is a soul that never stops smiling and has never failed to make my day that much brighter. I love you and I hope with my whole heart that you come to know these things in your heart. The Lord of everything created you for His glory because you bear His image. When He looks at you, you have favor in His eyes because He created you beautifully and perfectly. And personally I would't challenge His opinion on this one. My dear sweet friend, you are perfect in each and every way because He made you that way and I will never stop telling you that. My prayer for you is that you learn and keep this truth locked away in your heart and ever present in your mind. Let it seep into you life and eventually allow yourself to know this above every lie satan ever tells you. You are loved so much, believe that with all your heart.

With overwhelming love that comes only from the One who is Love,
Kaitlyn