I've always been a busybody. I've always loved running around doing the things, talking to all the people and crossing off each item on my to-do list. And then, all of a sudden I didn't. All at once I got really, REALLY tired and busy got really, really hard. I realized my soul was in need of repair.
It's like that one time when you forgot that you had like one-sixteenth of a tank of gas and you still went to Walmart and Hobby Lobby and Aspen and then while headed to your last stop you realize you only have like 7 miles left in your car. And all of a sudden you get really scared, you frantically search for the closest gas station and barely make it to the pump. And all of a sudden you're consumed by the tears because your heart feels as empty as your gas tank and you don't know how to do anything other than sit in your car and cry as your tank gets filled up but you still sit on empty.
Or maybe it's like the time you took that personality test with your friends because how else are you supposed to avoid your responsibilities? You get your results back and you're not surprised that the picture for your personality is this guy (see below).
And of course in this moment when everything is under control you laugh and even brag at how good you are at balancing all the things in your life. But then all of a sudden someone hands you one too many things, it knocks everything out of your hands and you can't do anything but watch it all fall to the floor. You throw your hands up in defeat, overwhelmed by your seemingly all-consuming failure. You're so frustrated you ignore all of your responsibilities and find yourself sitting on the floor of your dorm room crying on the phone to your mom.
Then the next day you wake up and do it all again, and again, and then a couple more times in a seemingly never-ending cycle.
Well if you haven't figured out yet, being busy is tiring. And I don't say this meaning, "Wow being busy is SOOOOO hard, everyone should feel sorry for me and acknowledge my busyness." I say this with an overwhelmed sigh of despair that can't say anything other than, "I'm so busy and I can't escape."
The glorification of busy is one of my least favorite things about my generation. Our obsession with busyness has become so commonplace when we answer the question, "How are you?" our initial reaction is "Busy, you?" and we ignore the person we asked the question to because we don't have time to listen. Or at least that's what we tell ourselves.
My friends have often called me a "Campus Climber." This is a term used on my college campus to describe the individuals who do all the things, and earn all the awards, and know every person they run into. But in my opinion, Campus Climbing is the most dangerous sport of them all. We have taught ourselves that if we can somehow add one more thing to our list of stuff, get that one last award (who are we kidding), then we can show the whole world that we're the busiest of them all, and then and only then we are good enough. Well let me tell you, this campus climber has entered retirement! And oh how much fun it has been! I'll be honest with you, letting go is SO STINKING HARD. Because the thing is I know I could but the question is should I do/apply/run for the next thing. And I answer that question with these questions:
Is it something that glorifies God's and fulfills His purpose for my life?
Do I ACTUALLY have the time?
Nine times out of ten, the answers no. But about 7 out of 10 times I really, REALLY want to say yes. But let me let you in on a secret, unbusy is SO beautiful! There is SO MUCH FREEDOM in unbusy. Freedom to spend time with my people, freedom to read a book when I want to, freedom to hang out with the Lord in the quiet moments that used to be filled with stuff. I hope everyone gets to experience unbusy in their lifetime! And this doesn't mean that I've stopped doing things all together because the same way I don't believe overly busy is good for the heart the same can be said for not doing anything at all. I was created for a special and unique purpose and so were you, and God uses the stuff in our lives to put forth His kingdom in the world. How cool is that? But just like we have to steward our money so we can pay rent and buy our coffee, we have to steward our time too. And unbusy means pouring out the love the Spirit gives me for others and loving them well, but it also means taking time for me to fill up, to be poured into and the seek Jesus and all the incredible things about Him!
In this season of unbusy, the Lord has given me such special and sweet gifts. He is teaching me that mornings are my ish, and that watching the sunrise is something new and beautiful every single day! He's teaching me that sonic is my favorite place for life talks, loving on people and laughing about all the awkward things that happen in life. In these moments, sweet, empty, quiet moments that have previously been filled with all kinds of stuff, I get to share new and awesome friendships with people and grow the ones that were already there. God is using my unbusyness for His glory and purpose, and He's using my story to love on my really busy people. The Lord's faithfulness to me in a time where I did nothing but run away from Him is truly overwhelming. When I wrecked my heart, sat in my mess and felt out of His reach, He came to me, sat with me and took my hand and said, "You are never too far gone, and I'm always here." How crazy is that! Jesus came to me, chased after me, even when I was full on sprinting the other direction. This is the God that we get to serve, love and worship. The Lord of all things is waiting for us with open arms, even in our busyness. Even when life gets hard. And especially when we want to do anything but run into those open, loving, grace-filled arms. I can do nothing but count it all as joy!
Lord, thank you for truly unending mercy. Thank you for abounding grace that reaches into the darkest of tunnels and deeps pits. Thank you for seeking us even when that's the last thing we want to do. Thank you for busy seasons that teach painful and powerful lessons. And thank you for unbusy seasons that let us fall into your grace and sink deep into it. Thank you for pouring out love into us especially when we don't deserve it. And above all else, thank you for the Cross, your sacrifice, and your Son, the greatest love of all. In your Son's name we pray!
With joy, love and an unbusy heart,
Kaitlyn
