Trading My Plans for the Lord’s and Why It’s the Best and Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done

Giving up control has never been one of my favorite things, but is it anyone’s? On this journey to become more like Christ I am learning what it means to leave my desires at the Lord’s feet. And while this is by far one of my most difficult daily trials, it gives me an immense peace. Giving the Lord control of my life leaves so much room for everyday joys that I would have so easily missed while always looking forward to tomorrow.

In this stage of life everyone is constantly asking, “What’s next?” It starts senior year with the, “Where are you going to school?” and “What are you majoring in?” Then it evolves into, “What do you want to do?” And after that it turns into “What’s your ideal age to get married?” or maybe, “How many kids do you want to have?” I’m sitting here, barely 24 hours out of my first full semester of college and thinking, “Why do I have to know the answer?”

One thing I have gained from leaving these questions unanswered is an incredible freedom. Freedom to focus on the present and learning to be content. Freedom to let go of the worry. Freedom to ignore the, “Well everyone else is…” Freedom that only comes from trusting that God’s plan is way more awesome than mine could ever be. I know this, I believe in God’s faithfulness because He showers me with it daily. My God is so gracious with my wondering and ambitious heart that He did flip my plan upside down. Because He loves me that much He decided that He wanted to show me that His plan is so much sweeter than anything I could ever think of.

Leaving my plan at the feet of the Cross means that I get to fall in love with teaching more and more every time I think about my future classroom. Setting aside my ambition for Spirit lead humility means that I get to focus on loving my friends deeply and intimately instead of frantically crossing things off my to-do list. Trusting in God’s plan for my life is SO HARD. It is a battle I have to fight with myself every morning. But slowly I am starting to win the battle for my heart to start to look like His. And while I do deeply desire to leave my plans at the Lord’s feet there are some days that I lose this fight. Sometimes I do get caught up in my busyness. I do get caught up in the “What’s next?” But thank goodness that’s my God’s grace is unending and never failing because man oh man would I be in trouble.

The other hugely important lesson I am learning in setting my plans aside is something I never really wanted to admit to myself. Learning to leave my plans at the Cross is one thing, trusting in the plan that is thrown my way is another. But, understanding that sometimes while the Lord’s plan is always perfect it is not always painless. Understanding that God’s plan for me is amazing and perfect and completely better than my own is getting easier. But learning to deal with the heartbreak and hardships that come with battling my sinful nature is something that I still have yet to learn to grasp. One of my favorite bloggers, Stephanie Mae Wilson, wrote about this and it touched my heart so deeply. In her blog Stephanie talks about how even though God has said “Go” it doesn’t make the unrest and uncertainty go away. But when we trust in God’s plan we know that through this unrest and uncertainty the not-so-easy will be so worth it.

Tonight I ask that you pray for me as I learn all of these things, as I learn to continuously leave my perfectly planned out life at God’s feet and place my trust solely in His faithfulness to me. And in return I will pray the same for you. Wow, how great is our God that He loves us enough to trade our plans for His.

With lots of joy and a peaceful heart,
Kaitlyn

Not Getting Caught Up in Letting People Catch Me

A lot of things happened last week. So I think it's fair to say that my Dead Week was anything other than dead. But, throughout the craziness, the stress, and the overwhelmingness of college I am met with God's grace and faithfulness. I was met by blessings I could have never seen coming, and this week these blessings came in the form of some really great friends.

For quite a while I struggled with what it meant to have true friends. What it looked like to have "my people." And what it meant to trust that someone will be there for me every step of the way. I didn't really think that was even a real possibility for me, for so many different reasons. But my mom ALWAYS said, "you'll meet your best friends in college," wow, was she so right! Learning to let people in has been and still is incredibly difficult for me. But learning to break down the barriers around my heart is one of the toughest but most rewarding battles I fight against myself every day.

This last week was nothing short of a whirl wind. With a packed schedule and crazy occurrences I fell into the trap of busy and stress and the feelings of defeat. While I have developed the skill of managing my stress very well I am still learning to leave my fears and failures at the foot of the cross. And every once in while I get caught up in myself and tend to spiral out of control. Only this time something was different, this time when I fell into the trap I wasn't alone. And this time I had people there to catch me, people who picked me up right as I fell face first into the ground and I even had people to sit with me before I hopped right back up to continue on my to-do list journey. These people I am incredibly thankful for.

Learning to love myself has been no walk in the park, and learning to let others love me has been like climbing a mountain without any climbing equipment. But with the Lord as my guide I am learning what it means to trust the people He surrounds me with. I am starting the break down Fort Knox, and I am understanding why we are not meant to live this life alone. This afternoon I had lunch surrounded by some of my favorite people in the whole world, and for that I am so thankful. But even more so than the meal we shared, I am blessed to know that these people won't let me fall. To know that the people I love so much, WILL be there for me every step of the way. And learning to be okay with them catching me when I stumble on this journey through life is such a wonderful testament to God's perfect timing and unwavering faithfulness. So as I finish out my first semester of college this week I am rejoicing in the blessings of real and true friendship and what it looks like to trust people to catch me when I fall.


With lots of love and a humble heart,
Kaitlyn