Pride just comes naturally to my type A, loud, obnoxious persona. And anyone even in a shallow relationship with Christ knows how bad this is. After all pride is one of the seven deadly sins and lets be honest pride has been wrecking lives since time began, even in the bible (examples of this are Genesis 3, 2 Chronicles 26, Ester 3-7, Daniel 4 and so many more). I don't know about you, but sometimes I have really hard time relating to the amazing word of God, so for now I'll walk through my struggles and screw ups.
I have actually known I struggle with pride for quite a while but I didn't really know what to do with the information so I just kind of ignored it. It finally hit me that pride is not only a deadly sin but a huge hurtle I have to overcome to grow closer to Christ. An instance that really makes my pride flare up is one of unbelievable irony, I truly struggle with pride when I worship God from a stage. I have always been told that I have a very pretty voice and it is not untrue but I have realized that at some point when compliments went from a confidence booster to a ego inflator. Now don't get me wrong I love to sing (and I'm sure my friends are fed up with my love of singing) but when I sing up on stage with a mic in hand, it becomes about me and my ego and not about how amazing my Savior is.
I have recently come to another staggering realization that dealt with my prideful nature. I figured out that loving something worldly is very hard to do. Not only because the world is fleeting, but it becomes even more difficult when God calls you away from it. I am very involved in a organization called FCCLA (Family, Career and Community Leaders of America) and I love it! I love everything about FCCLA and all that it embodies and I find immense joy in what I have the opportunity to do within it. This past year I even had the time of my life serving as a state officer for Oklahoma FCCLA and I enjoyed everything about it! And about halfway through my term I had the chance to rerun for state office. Now running for state office is really complicated and extensive but the short version is: send in an application, be invited to interviews, go to interviews, and then do or don't get elected at state conference. Well as a just said the first step of the process is sending in a application, now that happens in December about a month before interviews. And in December about a week before I sent in my application God spoke to me, it wasn't like the ground opened up and I heard God's voice shout at me, but it was one of those times when God just puts something on my heart. And He said to me, "Don't send in your application" and in prideful ambition I did exactly what He told me not to, and it was the worst decision of my life. In January I get to interviews and the next day when the voting ballet came out my name wasn't on it. I was devastated. I was angry. I was pissed off. And I was confused.
"What had I done to deserve this?"
"How could this happen after everything I've done?"
"This must be a mistake!"
All these things ran through my mind but the last thing that ran though my mind was:
"God, why?"
My mentor said it best in the card she gave me, it said "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jerimiah 29:11). She told me that God has something better planned for me, and that was the best piece of advice I've ever gotten. As I reflect on this whole situation after being removed from it and having time to heal and lean on the Lord I have gained some marvelous insight and truly seen that God's plan is so much better than mine! I'm not saying that my pride isn't still a little hurt and I still don't want a state office but I'll eventually get over it, and myself! But, knowing that the Creator of the universe, the Savior of my sins, loves me enough to push me away from something that is not good for my relationship with Him is SO amazing! And leaning on Him in this time of hurt has certainly allowed for our relationship and I cannot wait to see what better things He has in store for me! As I struggle with my pride and heal I ask you to look at what you struggle with. What is the area in your life that you turned off the notifications? I hope that you lean into Him for insight and love.
In some-what peace and unfailing love,
Kaitlyn
