What I Really Mean When I Say "I Love You"

When you hear the words "I love you", what comes to your mind? Your mom? Your boyfriend? What about your best friend?

For lot of people you say "I love you" to those you see everyday, who you maybe sorta like, or you might even say it to your brother every once in a while. But for me the phrase "I love you" means a lot more than just those three simple words. 

"I love you" from me means I would do anything for you. It means when I ask you about your day I really truly care about the answer. When I say "I love you" it means I would give you my whole entire heart if it means it would make your bad day better. It means that at 3 in the morning if you need ANYTHING I will be there in a heartbeat. It tells you that even when I disagree with you I will always stand behind you. "I love you" means that, yes, I will kill the spiders. That I would do anything is the world to see you smile. "I love you" means that I trust you enough to tell you that I really do love YOU! 

Saying these three words to you means that in all of your craziness, all of your sadness, happiness, and everything in between, you have blessed my life in unbelievable measure and that my heart truly fills overwhelmingly with joy whenever I am with you. It means that you have given me so much that "I love you" is the only thing I could even come close with to try and explain that feeling. And I want every one of you to know that no matter the distance, busyness, or how bad of a disagreement we are in, I will ALWAYS love you. Always and forever, and absolutely nothing could ever change that. So thank you for letting me love you, but even better thank you for loving me back. 

With overflowing joy and love,

Kaitlyn

His devotion, His faithfulness...

God works in incredible ways.

I think I always knew this fact, it was always buried somewhere in my brain. The concept that God's plan is good no matter how I feel about it. But for the first time, I really truly believed this. If you actually read more than one of my blogs you would know that earlier this year God rocked my world. He closed a door on my life that I thought was a 100% guaranteed and this week I realized why He closed that door. If I had walked through that door I never would have never met some of the most amazing people in the world, and some friends that are very dear to my heart. I never would have gotten the opportunity to go to Washington D.C. and represent Oklahoma as a Girls Nation senator. And I never would have realized that I'm going to double major in Political Science along with FACSED (which is a totally crazy and unthinkable match). But now that I not only know, but believe, that God's plan is way better than my own, I can grasp (barely) the idea of being open to the change He has in store for me. Beginning to really believe in God's plan is just another way of Him showing His faithfulness to me, and a reminder of what it means to willingly follow Him with all that I have. This past week was a very important anniversary for me, the one year celebration of my baptism. One year ago I dedicated my life fully to Christ. And I can wholeheartedly say that was the single best decision I have ever made! Because of this I have been able to work for God's kingdom in ways I didn't even realize. Recently (like 3 days ago recent), one of my friends decided to give her life to Christ. There are no words that could ever translate the excitement and abundance of joy I have knowing that she found the best thing one can go through life with. And getting to this point was unbelievably hard for her. I know that she had amazing obstacles to overcome to find Him, but she truly is one of the strongest people I know and I never doubted she would reach this point. I am so blessed by the friendship she brings into my life. I know there are days where I could kill her, and there have been times when I would have given anything to protect her, but through all of it I'm so thankful God was there. I know that God used me along with so many others to show her that she is so worth the fight, that she truly is loved and that she will never stand alone. I know that God is showing His faithfulness to her by leading her to this point, I know that He will do unimaginable things for His kingdom through her and I can't wait to see how He continues to be faithful.

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23  

I am contiuously amazed by God's willingness to fulfill His promise of faithfulness to us. His timing is certainly not on our schedule but I know that it truly is perfect, I know He knows what He's doing. I hope that you can see all the amazing things God has brought to you, and I pray that you continue to praise His faithfulness.

With lots of love and excitement for the future,

 Kaitlyn

Inundated in pride and how much it really sucks

As a person I am very proud.

Pride just comes naturally to my type A, loud, obnoxious persona. And anyone even in a shallow relationship with Christ knows how bad this is. After all pride is one of the seven deadly sins and lets be honest pride has been wrecking lives since time began, even in the bible (examples of this are Genesis 3, 2 Chronicles 26, Ester 3-7, Daniel 4 and so many more). I don't know about you, but sometimes I have really hard time relating to the amazing word of God, so for now I'll walk through my struggles and screw ups.

I have actually known I struggle with pride for quite a while but I didn't really know what to do with the information so I just kind of ignored it. It finally hit me that pride is not only a deadly sin but a huge hurtle I have to overcome to grow closer to Christ. An instance that really makes my pride flare up is one of unbelievable irony, I truly struggle with pride when I worship God from a stage. I have always been told that I have a very pretty voice and it is not untrue but I have realized that at some point when compliments went from a confidence booster to a ego inflator. Now don't get me wrong I love to sing (and I'm sure my friends are fed up with my love of singing) but when I sing up on stage with a mic in hand, it becomes about me and my ego and not about how amazing my Savior is.

I have recently come to another staggering realization that dealt with my prideful nature. I figured out that loving something worldly is very hard to do. Not only because the world is fleeting, but it becomes even more difficult when God calls you away from it. I am very involved in a organization called FCCLA (Family, Career and Community Leaders of America) and I love it! I love everything about FCCLA and all that it embodies and I find immense joy in what I have the opportunity to do within it. This past year I even had the time of my life serving as a state officer for Oklahoma FCCLA and I enjoyed everything about it! And about halfway through my term I had the chance to rerun for state office. Now running for state office is really complicated and extensive but the short version is: send in an application, be invited to interviews, go to interviews, and then do or don't get elected at state conference. Well as a just said the first step of the process is sending in a application, now that happens in December about a month before interviews. And in December about a week before I sent in my application God spoke to me, it wasn't like the ground opened up and I heard God's voice shout at me, but it was one of those times when God just puts something on my heart. And He said to me, "Don't send in your application" and in prideful ambition I did exactly what He told me not to, and it was the worst decision of my life. In January I get to interviews and the next day when the voting ballet came out my name wasn't on it. I was devastated. I was angry. I was pissed off. And I was confused.

"What had I done to deserve this?"
"How could this happen after everything I've done?"
"This must be a mistake!"

All these things ran through my mind but the last thing that ran though my mind was:

"God, why?"

My mentor said it best in the card she gave me, it said "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jerimiah 29:11). She told me that God has something better planned for me, and that was the best piece of advice I've ever gotten. As I reflect on this whole situation after being removed from it and having time to heal and lean on the Lord I have gained some marvelous insight and truly seen that God's plan is so much better than mine! I'm not saying that my pride isn't still a little hurt and I still don't want a state office but I'll eventually get over it, and myself! But, knowing that the Creator of the universe, the Savior of my sins, loves me enough to push me away from something that is not good for my relationship with Him is SO amazing! And leaning on Him in this time of hurt has certainly allowed for our relationship and I cannot wait to see what better things He has in store for me! As I struggle with my pride and heal I ask you to look at what you struggle with. What is the area in your life that you turned off the notifications? I hope that you lean into Him for insight and love.

In some-what peace and unfailing love,
Kaitlyn